It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
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Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
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I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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