Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
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I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
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Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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