Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize