I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
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She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
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You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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