i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
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so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
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This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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