yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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