my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
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Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
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I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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