my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
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I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
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He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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