Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
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we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
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His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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