Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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