Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
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They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
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I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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