just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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