True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
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Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Green mimosas i think yes
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
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Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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