my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize