Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
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Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
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Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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