I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
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He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
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I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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