A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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