first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize