my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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