i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
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I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
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Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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