she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
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Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
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I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
This toilet bowl is my home.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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