You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize