i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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