He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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