Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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