I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
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I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
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I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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