shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Is Oprah even human
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize