wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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