Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
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That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
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There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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