I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize