At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize