just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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