why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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