i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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