Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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