five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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