what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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