does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
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I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
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So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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