i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
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side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
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Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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