I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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