I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize