Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize