cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize