walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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