i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
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The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
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Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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