My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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