Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize