The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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