Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
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And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
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I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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