shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
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I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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